I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
