I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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