His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
