I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize