About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
