Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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