I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
