We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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