they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
