Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
