..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
