For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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