what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
