the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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