he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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