I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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