the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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