He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
