I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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