i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
