I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
