I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
