Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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