Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
