can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
