Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize