if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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