Having a random hookup so left but love u
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
