dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he wants to bone in the snuggie
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
