the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
