how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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