Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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