Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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