I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
