Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
