His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
