he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't turn off my feet"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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