he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
