I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
