Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
