Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
