Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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