I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
