so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
