So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
