he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
