oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
