Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
