now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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