so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
