I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
