Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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