I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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