i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
