Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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