he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize