I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
