Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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