is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize