i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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