a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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