Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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