I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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