I think my vagina is haunted
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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