I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's never too late to be topless.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
