You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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