...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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