I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
