Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
