Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
