i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
