This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
