I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
