Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
