she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
