is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
