Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
