i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
