Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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