come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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