I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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